I’ve had a song stuck in my head for the last three days. For three mornings in a row I’ve awaken humming the tune without even thinking about what I am doing, and continued to hum the song all day long, even as I fall asleep.
This song has many elements I like: strong rhythms but also a very catchy tune. The melody is upbeat, the singer’s voice emotive, but the words, the words are a bit on the dark side. I haven’t yet put together what exactly the song is really about but I think someone else did. You see, I discovered this song while watching a video of Jeb Corliss. The song and the vid seem a perfect match. Jeb is one of those guys (and there aren’t too many) who proximity dives with a wing suit. First time through the video, I thought, “This guy is insane.” But with that song stuck in my head and the urge to watch the video over, and over, I also have that guy stuck in my head and have begun to wonder if I’ve been the insane one.
You see, the last few years have been tough in so many ways. I’m a strong gal (or so I’m told) but all of the crap piling up has begun to feel like a weight and I have let it get me down. I’ve let it push me into selecting the safe, secure, low-risk options in order to avoid more pain and angst. Recently though, I’ve begun to realize that strategy is not working. It’s just another way of not living. Said another way, it’s just another way of dying. Perhaps not physically, but I do know my spirit has waned in this take-it-easy mode and that’ IS insanity.
I’m not saying I need to go out and learn to base dive. BUT, after having this song and the imagery of the video playing in my head for three days, I’m taking the message seriously: I’ve been stuck.
I’ve let fear become my companion, I’ve let fear rule my actions, let fear decide what I do and don’t do. That has not made me safer, and most certainly has not made me happy.
It’s time to unstick; time to bite off more than I can chew and chew it; time to heed Frank Herbert’s mantra from “Dune”:
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Wish me luck, wish me steadfastness on this path, and if you care to join me, here’s a link to that video